Coming Full Circle

One year ago today as we were driving from the Buffalo airport to my father-in-law's house in Rochester I received a phone call telling me I had breast cancer. It was shocking.

Today, happily, I am cancer-free (as far as the medical professionals can tell- nothing is ever a sure thing- but I prefer to see the glass as half full). A status that is, in it's own way, shocking. After months of treatment and surgery and everything else associated with a cancer diagnosis, I am now "normal" again, thrown back into the routine of life as if nothing of note happened in the last year. I am grateful for normal. I strive to be nothing but medically boring from this point forward... but it is odd in a way.

One month you are, as they say, battling cancer - in the "fight of your life." And then... just battling the everyday rat race.

Maybe my feeling of oddness is due to my approach to cancer. I tried to see it, not as a battle, but as something I had to do, had to get through, had to check off on the To Do List. I tried very hard (too hard my family might tell you) to keep my life as close to normal as possible despite the chemo and everything else. And so the whole thing feels a bit surreal. Did I really have cancer? Was it only 4 months ago I had surgery?

As I shepherd the kids to their activities, as I go to dance rehearsal or my knitting group, as I do all the mundane little things that make my life, well, mine, cancer is hardly even a thought in my head. Which is, as I said above, a Very Good Thing... I'd hate to have to deal with the alternative and I am thankful every day that I do not.

I am also grateful and thankful beyond what is possible to express with my own meager words for all the love and support that was given to me and my family over the past year. I may not always have responded to all the emails, cards, notes, gifts and whatnot but know that I read them over and over, I appreciated every word and kind gesture.

I had no idea my net was so vast. It is humbling to consider.

I would like to send out a very special thank you to my parents. In addition to all the other support they lent, my mom spent five weeks with us in May & June when I had surgery helping me recuperate and wrangling the kiddos. I know I wasn't an easy patient and I am so thankful you were here. And Daddy, thank you for loaning her to me for so long- I know it was hard for you to be without her for so long (I'm guessing the only other time my parents have been separated for so long was when my father served our country in Vietnam).

I know many of you wanted more blog posts over the past year and I wanted more too but it just wasn't in the cards. At first, treatment seemed boring: had chemo, kinda tired, doing ok- and I didn't want to bore you with it. Then, when things got, um, more interesting I was tired and frankly the details, while medically interesting, really would fall under the TMI category. So I didn't blog.

But here I am. One year later. And I wanted to say something. Mark the day as it were.

So, yes. I am doing very well indeed. I feel healthy and happy. Thank you for helping me get here.

In fact, I feel so good that at the end of the month, in a mere 24 days, I will be participating in the Susan G. Komen 3 Day for the Cure with two of my wonderful friends from MOPS, Wendy and Alisa. That's right, I will be walking 60 miles over three days in order to help raise money to find a cure so that someday, blog posts like this will be a thing of the past. You were all so very supportive over the past year but I am going to push it and ask you, please, to once again support me by donating today. My goal is to raise $3000 and I am 28% of the way there.

My 3 Day Walk Donation Page

Thank you again to everyone- I truly could not have gotten through the past year without you!

Le Sigh

I've been wanting to post all week but I live in dread of the Pictureless Post. I mean, who wants to read? We just want pretty/cute/funny or, ok, adequate pictures to gaze at. And for some reason I just have not gotten a photo of Gwen in her new hat... Or of Matt in his newly finished hat either. I have pictures of something but until my mother confirms she received it I cannot reveal it here as I don't want to ruin the surprise... Come on, Mom, tick tock. Baby needs a new blog post. :)

But if I'm honest, it isn't the picture thing that is preventing me from posting, that's just an excuse. The real reason I am suffering from posting ennui is my blog. I very much want to change the layout, the colors, the banner, um, everything. I need to update the sidebars. Have you glanced over there? Dreadful. My project lists are as out of date as a 1968 Farmer's Almanac. And my book list? Yeeeeeeeeeaaaaaah. We've covered a considerable number of works since that was refreshed.

I just need to suck it up and do it but I suffer from Do-It-All-itis. As in, I feel the need to have it all be better, fixed and perfect all at once. Now. Heck, yesterday. I have no patience for taking things one step at a time... so, until I reconcile my personality with my lack of time to devote to beautifying Ye Old Blogge I will just have to be content to grumble.

And while I'm grumbling, let me take on Blogger's comment system for a minute.

I hate it.

There. I said it. It sucks. I love when people comment here and it would be so nice if there was an easy way to respond. But there isn't. Unless you considered stalking easy 'cause that's the only way you can track down some of the commenters.

Blogger? Would it be so difficult to give us an email? Really?

And so, to Becky, who recently commented on an earlier blog post about my Irish Hiking hat and the changes I made: Yes, I will be sharing the info here- soon, I promise. I know I was actually able to recover that file off my hard drive so I'll put it on the list for next week.

Pictures next time, I promise.

My Daughter, the Tulip Killer

Over the years there have been times when I've asked my mom a question about my childhood and she's turned to me and said, "It was a good thing you were cute." This statement puzzled me. Huh? What did being cute have to do with anything? I just didn't get it.

Well, Mom, I get it. I understand. It only took the acquisition of two adorable but mischievous (intentionally or otherwise) children before I heard your words playing in my head, "Aaaaaaaarrrgh. It's a good thing you're cute..."

Any mother will tell you that no matter how much you love your children, sometimes they behave in a way that Just. Makes. You. Crazy. And then, indeed, it is a very good thing they are cute.

Case in point:


Gwen loves flowers. To Death.
sigh

I've been anxiously awaiting the arrival of my tulips since they were planted last fall. I love tulips and eagerly looked forward to the day when I could step outside, cut a few blooms and bring the colorful vibrancy inside with me. It is not to be. At least in the backyard where Gwennie has shown herself to be even more eager than I am to enjoy the flowers. Poor things were plucked from the ground before they could bloom.

Thank goodness for the fence that prevents her from ravaging the flowers in the front yard.

But What Exactly am I Doing?

I don't know about any other moms out there but I feel like I am busy All. The. Time. Which is to be expected, I guess, when you are trying to take care of a couple little ones and yourself and the house and the cats and meet your outside obligations and manage take care of your husband and all the other myriad things we need to do. Busy is okay. What bothers me is that I don't always feel like I have anything to show for it. How can I be so tired at the end of the day and feel like I never stopped and yet, if someone were to ask me, "What were you doing?" I'm not sure I could come up with an answer. I look around, and yes, the kids are fed and (mostly) happy but my house is a mess and I have to scramble to find clean clothes in the morning... I don't know. I'm sure this is a common feeling (don't burst my bubble if it isn't!)... I guess if I gave up knitting, crafting and the other little things that keep me sane I could have an organized house but then I wouldn't be much fun to live with so for now, until a resident house elf moves in I'll just have to deal.

So, yup. Busy, busy, busy. Just don't ask for the details.

They'll Turn on You So Fast...

As I mentioned in my last post, it has been quite snowy. Gwen has enthusiastically embraced all the frozen goodness, happily romping in yard and sledding down the street.

Until now. I'm thinking a case of housitosis is setting in:

G: Mommy, is it still cold?

Me: Yup. Still cold and snowy.

G: Mommy... is spring almost here?

Retrograde

I cannot believe that there are only two and half weeks until Christmas- where has the time gone? I think the late Thanksgiving and the resulting shorter pre-Christmas run up really has my brain flummoxed (love that word- I think we should bring back into regular use, it so precised describes that sort of baffled "what the heck?" feeling I experience so frequently these days).

I think I'm making progress. Gifts have been purchased. Gifts have been made, not all are done but I'm getting there. I am slowly getting the house decorated...

And... my children are slowly un-decorating it for me. My main accomplishment thus far was decorating the tree. Gwen's big accomplishment?

Removing the ornaments.

"But Mama, I liiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-iiiiiiiiiiiiiiike holding them."

well. Who can argue with that kind of logic?

sigh

Global Warming??

Ahhhhhh.... April in Seattle.

Really. This was the view from my front porch this evening. Craziness personified. And let me ask, if April showers bring May flowers, what the hell does April snow bring you?

More blogging soon. Have actually been knitting. At least when the littles ones are not spewing snot and spit up on me. Good times.

More later.

And... the return of cupcakes (da-da-daaaaaaaa).

Definition

In the wake out the latest pathetic disaster from the publishing world, allow me a moment to provide a little public service to all you wanna-be memoirists out there:

From the American Heritage Dictionary:

mem·oir (měm'wär', -wôr') n.
1. An account of the personal experiences of an author.
2. An autobiography. Often used in the plural.
3. A biography or biographical sketch.

In other words, if it didn't happen to you (for reals) it's fiction. Sell it as such.

Knitting galore on Martha!

If you are a Martha Stewart fan, you might want to set your DVR for next Monday, 2/25, which is "Homemade Knitwear Day" featuring an audience of knitters and a knitting inspired show lineup.

The Knitting is Coming, The Knitting is Coming

As is the, um, posting... I just remembered how to hit these little buttons with my fingers in order to form these really cool things called words and paragraphs.



But for your effort to come here and read this I give you this:



An adorable just-turned seven month old in the Cutest outfit ever courtesy of Grandma and get this, the overalls are completely reversible!!! Turn 'em inside out and you have adorable plaid overalls with a truck. I love a good two-for-one...

It's fourth down, she'll have to punt...

Um, so that was me with regards to my handmade Christmas gifts. It just didn't work out this year, but I was in serious denial until the 20th or so of December, madly knitting while a tiny voice in the back of my head whispered that there wasn't enough time. Oh, sorry. That was actually my husband in his loud voice telling me to give up and get some sleep already!

And so, I did. I gave up. It was hard. I'm not ashamed to say that there were tears. You know how it is, with visions of perfect knitted gifts in just the right color, yarn, pattern all amazingly wrapped in your handmade, hand painted/stamped whatever paper with exquisite handmade card attached. While I never wrote about it here (because that would, you know, require me to actually write) I had in my head taken a "semi-handmade" Christmas pledge... not to be confused with anything related to Sandra Lee- how does she have a show on Food Network? I'm sorry but those tablescapes? Sometimes less is more. And have you ever noticed how the decor in her kitchen changes almost every show to match the theme? I once caught about five minutes of a lemon themed show, I swear the whole kitchen looked like a lemon meringue had exploded. She scares me and the food? yikes. I don't ever intend to watch her show but sometimes I'll be flipping through the channels and I get sucked in - I think it is the train wreck factor - what is she going to do next?

Um. Where was I? (but I do feel better, getting that off my chest)

I wanted to make as many presents as possible this year. I really had a bee up my butt about it. It is really tough for me to not be perfect when it comes to things like this. But, in the end, my sanity, what little I have left, was more important (thank you amazon! while you may be the total opposite of the handmade Christmas pledge you do come through for those of us with a last minute present crisis... ).

At least now I am, for the moment, ahead of the game for next year's Christmas gift knitting. I'd say I was ahead for birthday knitting but my family (with the exception of my daughter and my father) has inconveniently decided to be born in the warmer months when a wool whatever just wouldn't go over too well.

And in some totally unrelated, technology-makes-no-sense news, my card reader has decided to function again, just out of the blue. I didn't change anything, it just worked when my husband gave it a go. Unfortunately I don't have any current knitting pics in the photos I'm uploading to flickr but I'll try to get some in the next couple days and give you a year-end wrap up of my works in progress (too many). In the meantime, here is a little cuteness from "backstage" at my brother-in-law's wedding back in October (man, I have a lot of catching up to do), Gwen was the flower girl:

Grrrrrr....

OK, so I'm feeling just a teensy bit frustrated.

As stated before, my computer won't recognize it's internal card reader so no pictures.

I tried an external card reader (we have one lying around- and I know it is functional because it works with my husband's laptop). No good. Still no pictures.

Per my last post, I tried sending pics from my phone and guess what? My phone is in on the conspiracy. I attempted to email photos directly to my Flickr account- never showed up. Tested sending them to my personal email account- nope, nothing. Tried multi-media messaging them to my husband's phone so he could then upload them- uh-uh. Now, I have a Blackjack so it should be perfectly capable of any or all of these functions... in fact, I have in the past successfully sent pictures to my husband. But now? Now that I need to use the photo functionality? Um, no.

So as a last ditch effort I gave my memory card to my husband to upload. Hmmm, you say, why not do that in the first place, seems perfectly reasonable. Patience, my friends, all will be revealed. Gave the Hubster the card so he could upload to his laptop and then transfer them to our network hard-drive so I could access them. Watched him plug the card into the reader and begin the process. Happily tripped back down the stairs to draft some posts related to the pictures confident that I would soon have pictures to share. Soon. A couple hours later I checked the hard-drive location where we keep the pictures- nothing new. No big deal, he was working and probably got distracted. So apparently he has been distracted for 14 days!!!!! I keep nagging and he keeps saying, I haven't had a chance. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.... HOW LONG DOES IT TAKE TO DRAG AND DROP AND FREAKING FOLDER FROM ONE LOCATION TO ANOTHER???!!!!!! THE PICS ARE ALREADY UPLOADED TO HIS LAPTOP!

ahem. sorry. Just really aggravated. I even tried doing it myself, as I am, after all, perfectly self-sufficient, but I can't figure out where the original file is on his laptop.

And so I am just so exasperated by the whole thing that I want nothing to do with blogging... but at the same time I miss it. Did I mention "grrrrrrrrrrr..."?

Obviously I am supposed to have a picture-free blog and I just failed to get the memo. *sigh*

biting the proverbial bullet

Alright. Enough. This no blogging thing just sucks. I'll be doing something and think to myself, "Hey, I should take a picture and blog about this." Then I remember that I cannot upload pictures to my laptop and then it just seems like too much work to take a picture, give the camera to the Hubster, hope that he uploads them to our network hard drive sometime this century, and then, once that is done, hope that I remember what it was I wanted to write about at the time I took the picture. *sigh*

So, no more. I'm just going to post sans photos. Sorry if it is boring. I am going to figure out how to send pictures directly from my phone to my Flickr account as soon as I catch up on the work for my math class. The photo quality will suck but I'm no photography wizard anyway and you know the thing about beggars and choosing... A photo on the blog is worth two in the Canon. Or something.

Anyway.

It is time to pay off the cupcake contest. Yup. FINALLY. Bet you thought I forgot ;)

And the winner, picked via my very own, written by me, random number generating program, is....

Jessica! (love the Laila sock btw)

Send me your snail mail address (email or pm on ravelry) and I'll tee-pee your house send you a little box of cupcake goodies! Also, let me know: snowmen or polar bears & penguins.

Okay, enough procrastinating while trying to avoid homework. Back to Conic Sections. Oh, yeah, the fun never ends. You know you envy me.

Mouths of Babes

So I hosted a dinner here at Chez Sheep last night and my guests consumed a fair quantity of beer and wine. When my daughter came down for breakfast this morning she looked at the bottles lined up in the counter waiting to be recycled. Pointing to all the bottles, she chirped, "Mommy juice!!" Hmmmmm.... maybe we should have taken a different approach a couple weeks ago when we were explaining why she couldn't have the wine I was drinking?

Um, I feel like a slacker...

Holy cow! Did you guys see this? Have a baby, ten months later, win the NYC Marathon! I thought I was doing well because I go walk around Greenlake at least once a week.

So not only am I behind in the fitness department but I am waaaaaaayyyyy behind the eight ball in almost every aspect of my life. Yikes. Too much to do, not enough hours. You guys know the drill.

I have a zillion posts to do here but I can't get my pictures uploaded (my laptop won't recognize an external element- I've tried several combinations but it is being rather stubborn- I'll have to wait until the Hubster is back and I can commandeer his laptop... I thought I had the solution which is why I let him leave town without uploading the photos first).

I also need to announce the winner of my cupcake inspired contest but I am in the middle of writing a random number generating program for my programming class (fairly easy to do, I just need to find the time to sit down and finish it- see Paragraph 2 above) and I'd like to use it to pick my contest winner as a way of testing my program... so look for the winner to be announced later this week.

So yeah, someday there may be knitting content, and some more cupcake reviews, and some recipe reviews and my thoughts on learning to sew. See how much you have to look forward to? Really, I'm just putting it all off until the Writer's Guild goes on strike and there is nothing to watch on tv... then you will be dying to read whatever I write here from sheer rerun tv induced boredom.

Until later then, I need to go study the absolutely fascinating concepts involved with logarithmic properties. Positively scintillating.

Pushing Daisies!

Are any of you watching Pushing Daisies? Because if you are not, you should. Not only is it well written, clever, cute without being too saccharine, quirky and fun to watch there is KNITTING involved!!

That's right. One of the four main characters, the tough-talking-all-business-I'm-just-in-it-for-the-money PI, Emerson Cod, knits to relieve stress. In last week's episode, which I just watched courtesy of my DVR, they showed him knitting cables in his office which was replete with knit desk accessories: file holders, pencil cup, etc. He also knits a vest and 2 "gun cozies" during the episode. The knitting content isn't accurate per se but it is fun to see it included. Not often that you see a non-stereotypical person knitting in a tv show (one wonders how C.H.O.K.E. could allow this to happen!) No idea if the knitting will continue to show up or if this was a single episode quirk of a character's personality feature...

Even if they never mention it again I got a giggle out of the gun cozies and the show is well worth your time regardless of knitting content.

Cupcakes for a Cause

Those of you who have read this blog for a while know I love a good cupcake so imagine how delighted I was to learn about Cupcakes for a Cause earlier today. This is a week-long (October 15-21) national campaign that has participating bakeries donating profits from cupcake sales to Cancercare for Kids.

I was on this like buttercream on chocolate cake. Unfortunately, despite the plethora of cupcake stores and bakeries here in Seattle there is not a single participating shop in the entire state of Washington. Shame on you. Someone should have stepped up to the, um, plate. Our neighbors to the south do have a bakery taking part: Saint Cupcake in Portland. If you live down there stop by, have a little something sweet ans support a good cause.

All is not lost for us in Seattle (and elsewhere) however! You can create and send e-cupcakes to you friends and for every e-cupcake sent, the sponsors of Cupcakes for a Cause will donate $1.oo!!!!

In fact, I will enter everyone who sends me (glides4funATyahooDOTcom) an e-cupcake by the of the campaign (10/21) in a drawing for a fun, cupcake related prize! And I will also send you a cupake in return, thus doubling the donation.

So head on over to Cupcakes for a Cause and pipe yourself some virtual icing, it's a sweet thing that won't add to your waistline!

The Problem with Please

So it's another picture free post. Sorry. My laptop doesn't want to play nicely with my memory card. I'm working on it... LOTS of pictures and picture-related posts eager to show themselves on this here blog.

And now, on to the topic at hand: The Problem with Please

What's that you say?

How can something as polite as please cause a problem?

I know. It seems ridiculous. If anything, our society needs to be more polite and less demanding. More please, less gimmee.

Unless you have a cute little toddler under the age of two in your house. Then please can be a problem.

And it is all my fault.

I taught her that please is the "magic word."

When she wants something, I prompt, "What do you say?"

Which is all well and good until there is something she wants that I don't want her to have or do and I say "No."

Then she looks up at me with those big blue eyes, the faint traces of her dimples showing as she lisps out, "Peeeeeeaaaaaasssseeee."

"No," I say.

"Pease. Pease. Pease."

"No, Pooh Bear"

"pease?"

*sigh* What's a mommy to do?

Math is Hard.

I'm back. Literally and figuratively.

The family spent last week in Rochester, NY celebrating the nuptials of my brother-in-law. I'd love to tell you that the ceremony was beautiful but I honestly don't know what the ceremony was like. Gwen, who was the flower girl, had a meltdown as soon as she walked down the aisle. Note to future brides: don't schedule the ceremony at your flower girl's nap time- no good can come from it. I whisked her out of the church with what I hope was a minimum of fuss. Predictably, Matt followed us out in the arms of Hubby's cousin less than five minutes later. So I was in the back room of the church trying to keep Gwen calm and while feeding Matt- Hubby was unavailable as he was a groomsman. Fun for Mommy. Luckily there was a two hour break between the ceremony and dinner so we were able to head back to my father-in-law's house and sneak in a nap for the very grouchy Pooh Bear. Unfortunately, that meant we missed the cocktail hour and I really could have used one after the child wrestling during the ceremony. *sigh* The reception was lovely and Gwen was much happier. She was quite the little dancing queen- bopping around on the dance floor with anyone and everyone until we dragged her off at ten o'clock that night!! I have pictures but they aren't uploaded yet so look for them at a later date.

I'll have a knitting update for you guys soonish... I'm not going to promise any time lines as I am up to my eyeballs in homework! This fall I decided it was time to finally make a real effort to finish my degree so I am taking a couple classes at a local community college. One of the classes is Pre-calculus which I took eons ago as a junior in high school. I need several quarters of calculus for my degree and even though I took calculus in high school and college I decided to back track a bit to limit the brain strain. Good thing because I remember nothing! Well, not nothing but not enough... I'll stare at a problem and thinking that I need to do some step in order to get to the next part of the problem only I have merely the vaguest recollection of what that thing is... It is slowly starting to come back but at the moment it is taking a lot of time but the little flashes of insight when I remember something (oh right. factoring. that's what I need to do...) are pretty gratifying. I occasionally even feel smart. Scary.

So that's my story for now. Posting will no doubt be sporadic as I try to figure out how to fit everything into my day (starting to do math at ten each night is not the best idea in the world- you'd be amazed at how many dumb mistakes you can make- if I forget to carry an exponent or negative sign down through a problem one more time I'm going to go crazy). I also have a couple of projects that I have been trying to get to for a couple months that I need to get going on... Way too much stuff. Way too little time. Never ends does it?

Alanis Moment

So right now I am sitting on my couch (a baby free minute- hooray!), eating more than a couple Carr's Ginger Lemon Creams (my new favorite cookie - yum!), and - wait for it - watching the first episode of this season's The Biggest Loser.

Oh yeah. Cue music:

And isn't it...